Ties

Sometimes, when some people says, "My grandmother is organizing a party," I feel envious. How close am I to my relatives?

Maybe not close, yet maybe close.

My oldest cousin is only a few years younger than my mum, and I am the youngest grand-daughter on either sides. My cousins are all grown up. Some are married, and some are engaged. I cannot feel the bond among us. Or maybe it's just me who can't feel it. Something is strangling me.

Most of my cousins are successful in their life, as in, they have a stable job and stable income. I am pressurized. As you all know, parents tend to compare. I am not saying that my parents love to compare, but I know that they are thinking right in their heart, why can't I be as smart as them. 

I am not smart. I am lazy. I don't try my best. However, I listen in class. I am good at other things. 

Maybe this course isn't right for me. Recently, I have been asking my friends what if I dropped out of this course and maybe go to some private institutions. Some asked me why would I want to drop out. Well, I don't know. Maybe it's because I don't know what I want to be in the future. When I went to see the UPGRADE system, the courses listed there do not interest me at all. Or rather, they are competitive courses. I have no confidence in myself. 

Well, you might suggest an overseas university. Where does the money come from then? If I can't produce good grades, I shall forget about a scholarship. A local university? I really want to study in a local university, but 80% of the spaces are given to 'A' levels students. Why? It's because Poly students have tuition grant while they do not, but their school fees are still cheaper than Poly students. Ah whatever, if  I continue to say this, my 'A' levels friends are going to argue back. Gah. =/

I am also thinking of going to a private-government subsidized university if I cannot enter any local universities, but when I think of having little or no opportunity of going for internships and such, this will be a disadvantage for me when I want to find a job after graduating. I am so freaking stress!!!

Oh, and I don't like it when people tell me that "your school business students cannot be compared to my school's business students", I feel like hitting them. Aright, no violence here. Hello?! All Polys are the SAME. Don't tell me that if you get a GPA score of 3.5 and I a GPA score of 3.8, you will get into uni instead of me. Dream on! I strongly believe Singapore is a fair country. Everyone has a chance of going to uni. :)

I finally said my piece! :D